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Nobody on all hundred trusts in the forces, in ability to independently pull own life. At heart everyone feels that he really does not know this life. Therefore all look at each other in search of answers.

Can allocate to

a set of footpaths of sincere growing, but, perhaps, two most evident are an independence and self-sufficiency - that is ability to solve the problems and it is easy to transfer a privacy.

Sectarians for the same purposes direct to the teacher's feet where to them protection against the illusion of the "correct" way warming the soul seems.

As a result the best relations (for the majority) are only a way not to mature, not to realize, not to work to remain in comfort behind a wing with the senior satellite which ideally will provide boundless support and love.

Until the person became sincere and adult, his relations will be wrapped in the drama where it is possible to play three roles:

The man is not excited by the diffident, weak woman - it seems the infantile daughter. The woman does not respect the weak man - perceives him a spineless rag and besides - the child.

In psychology there is one popular theory proceeding from which, persons are peculiar three roles: child, parent and adult. The parent specifies, controls and subordinates. The child is capricious and submits, looks for protection and protection. The adult imposes nothing to nobody, and undertakes responsibility for the claims, communicates as equals, agrees.

Demanded confidence is not material security and high career steps, and rather - sincere seniority, ability to interact with reality safely and firmly.

In the drama of the relation do not turn around only for sincerely adult personality who is not waiting from the partner of protection.

Both men, and women approximately equally remain children in soul, and are eager for support and the guide of the higher guide. On progressman.ru I already covered this topic in article about adult children.

P. S. As the reservation I want to tell that the aforesaid - only one of the possible parties of the relations, and on an overall picture can not be accented. P.P.S. As illustrations to article shots from series "Game of Thrones" were used.

In words, of course, any man does not want under a female heel. As well as in child parental relationship, there is a wish not for echinoid mittens, but boundless love and care. But children not only are indulged, and still brought up with different degree of rigidity. Therefore under a heel the collar of male humility also is applied to women's protection.

© Igor Satorin

In general, the heat - a hybrid of heat and the burning drama is inherent in the relations. Cold - pleasure mix with chilling fear is inherent in a privacy.

- to press the second option a heel and to fence with a wall. The role of the parent in the relations sometimes is chosen and voluntarily to subordinate, or to bribe care of still favourite partner. But the further that is given to a role weak, the less he is perceived the full-fledged personality - and the love is substituted for contemptuous disappointment.

When the person dares to listen to the desires and to actively embody them, he is followed by the others because believe as if their leader knows what, in general, occurs and where to move. Leaders replace fathers and mothers.

There are no correct ways. But there are ways desired where the interior responds consent. Trusting the life to others, it is possible to find the feeling of safety continually turning into suffocating borders. Trusting itself, you accept an uncertainty call, but you find chance of freedom.

That is, expecting to remain in the relations the child on guardianship of the strong personality, ideally want to be someone like little princes and princesses - the such special creations created for admiration and connivance to their whims. But the adult, having remained infantile in soul, causes in people around already not love with affection at all, and scornful pity.

With a female claim for a role of the material and psychological dependent in society are reconciled easier. The nature allocated the woman with burdens of incubation and feeding of posterity, and the man - force for protection of the house. But presently all to a bowl build this ancient reality in such ideal where the man - somebody like a servile service staff for the princess saturated with divine energy.

All want more self-assured partners - it is desirable gods and goddesses - all-knowing, vseprinimayushchy, loving. Therefore men look for "heel", and the woman - "a stone wall".

Such person is often idealized, projecting on him almost magic lines as if through his body there passes the divine stream. And to it actually, perhaps, simply it is not bad. And all.

The third option - rivalry. Here partners do not feel one after another force, cannot completely having trusted, to submit - and regularly sort out the relations, kind of calling that the second or became already mature and is more careful, or recognized that the leader in the relations - at all not he.

The first option - a heel and a stone wall. The role of the partner child in the relations is always a two-edged sword. On one - feeling of safety, on another - everything that is applied to defense of this feeling: control, jealousy, attachment and all the same - a constant disturbing background because under a heel and behind a stone wall after all hide (for fear of real life).

The sincere and mature personality, being kind of sated by itself, easily takes out loneliness therefore it is perceived surrounding so as if from her interior the special spark shines by own force. Sometimes it is called an internal core.

And if the person alone suffers, he as if he hungry, deprived of own light, reaches for that in whom it is more this light. From here also legs at attachment, jealousy and feeling of a sobstvennichestvo grow.

As women want to take cover "behind a stone wall" men's guardianship, is so similar and men aspire under a heel that it was not necessary to think what with the life to do.

The relations for most of us is such plug from collision with a life bezopornost. The relations plunge into blissful illusion of safety where it is not necessary to accept an uncertainty call. The partner is necessary for service of our involvement into an iridescent mirage of future comfort. The fear of loss of this protective mirage sates the relations with a full range of negative emotions.

Other articles on this subject:

Sincere growing is always a hard way of transformation from a timid position "I do not know and itself I will not cope" in a position "I can not know, but I will cope as I am able". That is is an acceptance of a call of life. The person can recognize the helplessness before the unknown, but does not lower hands and contrary to fear continues to act - to solve problems, to make mistakes, to get life experience.