From our readers: to lose itself, the self-esteem

Published: 7.1.2019
lose itself, the self-esteem

Very interesting subject about to merge itself, to lose itself, to betray itself.

& #171; If you, going on a date, too actively think, kind of so to put on to be pleasant, you slightly, but sacrifice self-esteem. Well if on that party minus, then everything is normal, but if already plus, this plus can grow up.

& #171; Many do not understand that it is not enough not to run for the person, the figure should not feed itself him yet.

The discharge usually happens when another for you became very important, significant figure in your head, life.

And merged themselves to nobody are necessary, are not interesting.

& #171; I lose nothing, & #187; & #8212; the man thinks and the tenth time dials the phone number of the girl who does not answer. it & #187; Continuation here.

But the love relations concerns first of all because in all other relations you wait though for some benefit for yourself, and in the love relations the only benefit & #8212; attitude towards you. & #187;

& #171; When the locus rises on the place and with borders becomes everything is all right & #8212; the person independently closes the holes, does not wait for feed from the outside.

You do not want to climb in others head because to you it does not become important how you were understood, the main thing as you told.

As well as with many other subjects from Evolution, I for myself understood it and stopped in plum, only when read its articles on this subject. You do not know yet what needs to be looked for and realized as it is shown & #8212; you will not find, you will not grope.

Before, I have such feeling that they physically did not exist & #8212; I before Evolution did not know these ponyatiiya, did not think that they have to be and as all this has to look.

Still her quotes from other articles on this subject:

You merge yourself all the same. When all see around what from you remained, will be late. & #187;

For the majority in general it is irreversible. Though it is theoretically possible to rise from any ashes, but practically people are not in time. & #187;

But after full disintegration it will be happy that got rid and at last lives with darling. It is impossible to allow disintegration if you want to preserve marriage. Keep self-esteem, then full disintegration will not. be & #187;

And here if through fumbling of self-esteem, editing of a locus of control on internal, through division of borders, modesty & #8212; this will be most effective and favorable also for a fast exit and in order that in future relations there was a chance that everything will be better.

& #171; For the benefit of your children & #8212; not to lose self-esteem and not to stick from below to the husband. The more opposite it to it, the quicker he will leave and the less will want to maintain the relations with it and even with children, it is possible (if holds too strongly stronger oprotivt).

& #171; When all of you write time about some person, you have to think: and he writes about you?

And if in time to release or push away (to push away in response to words about dislike & #8212; it absolutely not that to push away loving, is in general opposite things and effect opposite!), he will miss and look at the mistress gloomy again.

Also you know that the most interesting in all this?

& #171; If the woman who fed herself removes a crown, it will not find itself at all, there will be an emptiness, even the locus could not be shifted, that is even the stress will not be.

Do not cling to the plusing partner or at least realize as you cling and as he pluses, and no discharge of resources will. exist & #187;

& #171; On a phrase it is clear that you use nippers actively, and the person at you dissatisfied and unfortunate. And how to be happy, betraying itself? & #187;

Children's something. Weak will regret and will not throw.

It is interesting to nobody weak & #8212; it is boring and it is dangerous. This is the bad partner, unreliable. As easily he betrayed himself, also easily he will betray you, it is felt intuitively, without conscious reflection.

Attempt & #8212; it is the real torture if you try to impose yourself to other person, and it is torture both for him, and for you.

Discharge & #8212; it is normal during growth and growing of the person. Everyone endured it and worries.

And it is necessary to restore itself with great difficulty.

The lost person & #8212; the real freight, it sticks all the time or aches, the power at it negative as at the vampire and to nobody it is pleasant. Even relatives potter with it on only one call of duty, without love.

Actually this bowl rubber, it becomes slightly deeper all the time, with each drop. By itself it will not stop. The threshold admissible all the time raises a little, it is the law of adaptation. But people think what they have some & #171; чаша» and it can be filled and as soon as you fill, any drop will not want to suffer any more and it will be easy to leave. For now the bowl was not filled, attempt & #8212; not torture, all the same you lose nothing.

You merge yourself and waste a great lot of time for then long to be restored. That is treachery of happens for the sake of though some proximity to a significant figure that will result then in negative result, a low-energy state, sense of shame for the actions, to decrease in a self-assessment.

Still useful articles of Evolution on this subject:

And because of development of similar skills the self-esteem grows, and it will not allow to stick. any more & #187;

There is such sad picture.

People are afraid to lose another, to lose themselves & #8212; no.

And still there is very important point & #8212; To leave How exactly discharge.

Very much it is pleasant to me as some things accurately and rigidly informs of Marнn Komissarov (Evolution). For example,

You begin to study not right there to receive for it assessment, and for yourself. For the growth.

& #171; Everything Begins with consent eternally to remain the foolish woman in the opinion of someone and office of borders. Let thinks what wants, will be enough to fight for his respect.

The discharge often is unnoticed for itself. To be covered with illusions, psychoprotection, what are you doing it for itself or anything special & #8212; & #171; and that такого» or still what trick the mentality can execute to protect from a stress to look to the truth in eyes.

To you and the truth not clear what to stick and be humiliated & #8212; it does not mean to nail to itself the husband and to the father's children as a shelf to a wall, and gives directly boomerang, opposite effect & #8212; disgust and fatigue and desire to run away? Because it is not a shelf, and the subject of will.

& #171; If you think that it is nonsense that you lose nothing, then yes, the crown can close it not to spoil to you mood. If it is unpleasant to be imposed to you, but you in it see nothing terrible, the crown to you will help to close it and to consider the favor and kindness.

You cease to justify youselves, prove and explain. You have enough of fact that you know how everything is.

Some of the main things which at me accompanied this subject - "rely emotionally on itself" and "grope self-esteem".

Plus the partner, especially right at the beginning, it is very easy to change for minus if you head for self-esteem. But many people in minus do on the contrary: gradually turn into rags, losing the self-esteem remains. Their importance for the partner becomes negative, and a figure in the general field such insignificant and weak that further they already badly are self-controlled, cannot control themselves.

Here to please loved and loving which pleases you it is correct.

You work to make work as it is possible better from own point of view, but not in order that you were praised by the administration. You to - the main administration.

& #8212; & #171; Section границ» & #8212; & #171; Borders Full of holes and dislike to себе»

That is, draining of is absolutely useless.

You are not necessary, but to you all the same, you try to convince the person to take you on any terms. & #187;

We gain BOOMERANG effect.

The discharge will never make us more significant. And just the opposite.

At first it is simply boring for that person, to please to whom merge, and then your importance becomes negative for him, you become sticky and inadequate, and then it becomes more and more dangerous to you in respect of loss of self-esteem.

Pumping of resources and the birth own I begin with the fact that you cease to need obligatory reaction. & #187;

You lose self-esteem and perhaps from it almost nothing remained.

& #171; And even if nobody sees, unless in it business?

& #171; Wrong step to situations of an imbalance & #8212; it is always a step against itself, a step to loss of self-esteem and as a result & #8212; respect of the partner.

From the same series & #8212; expectation & #171; the last капли» with which allegedly it has to be overflowed & #171; bowl терпен褻.

When you are ready to stop being yourself, to betray yourself, the interests, the dreams, the children, anything. To adapt, even in extreme degree & #8212; to get into debts, to make something not useful to itself and even unsafe & #8212; if only to win attention, interest, goodwill, arrangement of other person.

& #171; Here such here sad picture also let's watch how to change it.

It does not concern cases when you read pages not for the sake of the person, and for the sake of information which you want to use for yourself (you will be able or not it is not so important, the main thing that in the center of intentions & #8212; your interest, your advantage, it strengthens you). If there is no advantage personally for you and cannot be, and it is only infinite following on heels for the person and interest in his person, life in his field, things look bad.

Why at all women almost opposition & #8212; there are children, and here I. How do you protect the interests of children becoming more oppositely? & #187;

If all of you write time about it, speak about it and think, and he does not write about you and does not even read, you feed yourself it to the person. If you monitor its pages after parting, and he forgot about you, you feed yourself it to the person. Not to it! You are not necessary to it. To Lyarva in the field who so will grow up soon that absolutely will take you in slavery and you will cease to distinguish her will from the.

And here if you understand, it is how dangerous to merge itself even in own thoughts, you do not want it to do, will not be to yourself an enemy.

And the return & #8212; to grope itself, self-esteem, to find itself.

And the comment of Evolution on this situation very somehow well informed me that even if it seems to you that the discharge is not noticeable, and it seems even as well as does not look as discharge, then all the same it is perfectly felt by other party which is very significant for you, and you for it are less and less with each act of treachery of. At once it became boring for the guy that the girl is so weak that so quickly recognized someone as so important in the life so to behave.

That is usually this investigation of quite strong imbalance, unhealthy dependence on the person, merge, addiction.

& #171; Though I know what it comes from. From a habit to think that if to be very dependent, then will not be able to leave because of sense of guilt and a debt and if to show force and independence, will quietly leave to another.

Love the beautiful integral personality who is respecting and not betraying herself.

Courage and will did not increase from this overcoming (for this purpose it was necessary to jump for the sake of himself, the statement), and at once departed to minus because transferred will to it, appointed him the owner of the will. & #187;

Fortunately, it is possible to taxi even from a bottom.

Can at once and will not throw, but from sense of guilt the agony and gradual disintegration will just begin.

It is not a shame to you? Or it seems what is a shame when it is visible, and if it quietly, in the head, then nobody sees?

It becomes easy for you to keep silent in reply, and from the person with borders full of holes everything pours out, he cannot hold.

In case it is correct to leave the old relations, that is to correct a locus, to understand that there is a hole and independently to close it & #8212; in future relations will not provide either a hole, or a similar situation as the skill independently itself appears with resources and to close holes.

& #171; The Lost person. Do you imagine, what does he look like? Weak, scared, not self-assured, not feeling borders, not finding in itself support. This & #8212; the person who lost himself.

That is all rules to start the relations & #8212; at all not such, as in marriage, especially at balance in marriage. In marriage & #8212; two dear people. And at the beginning of the relations the situation is closer to war game, any can take off for plus or minus. & #187;

In external life you can keep mum, but if all of you time wait for attention, turn thoughts and monitor pages someone, your king goes behind it and like a dog looks to it in eyes. & #171; Hello, you could not pay to my queen attention? She also does not want to hear me, it is boring for her with me, and here she thinks of you and waits вас».

That is it concerns any relations, not only love.

As a result of such secret discharge the figure of the elect grows to the size when it becomes already very difficult. to distract from it & #187;

Type the dependence it is possible to bind, from here humility, a dog look, readiness everything to suffer also eternally unfortunate view with a plaintive smile.

& #171; You cease to rage when you were not answered, cease to suspend yourself on a hook and to dangle on it.

& #171; You See what blind spots at you. You seriously think that Asiya can interest Pechorin and cause jealousy of the Belladonna. And the rag cannot never interest anybody. This blank space. In itself it the person, but in this field of the relations & #8212; blank space. & #187;

Well she also betrayed herself.

Especially often the discharge happens in that sphere where strong hunger. It not obligatory the love sphere & #8212; can be friends having merged, in work.

Both in love, and in friendship, and everywhere you have a self-assessment and self-esteem. You want to behave beautifully and adequately in own eyes, without leaning on others estimates. & #187;

Here couple more of quotes how invisible to nobody, except you the discharge will be dangerous:

And to hold its goodwill (very exact word, its will & #8212; your benefit), you begin to merge the resources.

It has excellent article & #171; Loss се᤻ in which all this is perfectly intelligibly told. I will give several fragments from it slightly below.

& #171; Here that it itself broke and jumped for the sake of it he understood at once.

Then will only rise from a floor. & #187;

Here the comment on the letter was such:

& #171; to betray itself & #8212; fatally опасно»

And if you understand that loss of self-esteem is deadly, the crown even will not poke. All elastic bands will break and it will fly away aside. The crown will not play with deadly things. When on you the train rushes, it will not inspire in you that it threatens you with nothing and you lose nothing, remaining on rails.

Through some time, exactly thanks to this knowledge, it turned out not only to be restored quickly completely, but also to make profit & #8212; for the first time so accurately and fully to understand the value of for itself. There was an understanding that I & #8212; that this most important that I have. It is possible to tell that only here and it turned out to find itself fully. And here then everything became somehow absolutely in a different way in my life.

How to leave discharge:

& #171; The Most important that needs to be acquired, & #8212; the discharge of resources begins when the partner pluses, and you minus when you have an imbalance.

The discharge does not happen at once, and gradually. There is an adaptation and what was considered as awful earlier, unimaginable, can gradually become quite normal.

You begin to care for a body not to show a photo and to receive likes, and for yourself. For the pleasure.

We merge to receive attention, to interest.

Imagine, YOU are not NECESSARY, ponder upon this word.

Strong, appreciating themselves and well feeling, true to, the values, the having own interests & #8212; are attractive and safe. All look for strong.

It concerns any your enemy or an object of your envy, your offense, at work, in family, in Internet space, any the person, significant for you. As it touched you, hooked and provoked, not important, the main thing that you merge yourself now.

Unfortunately, many go even below. To hell. & #187;

It is important to understand as far as the self-esteem is necessary to cherish it as the apple of the eye.

Actually to lose itself & #8212; the most terrible. Not only that without yourself you will appear in hell, so also you will not be necessary to nobody else, from you all will creep away in different directions.

Evolution had some one analysis of the letter where the girl liked the guy and to make an impression on him, she overcame itself and jumped from break in the sea.

There will be just a need for merge to someone something.

If to try to contact through the partner's demonizing (this same merge of borders and its high importance), rearrangement of fault him, then it & #8212; to get stuck for a long time in a Gestalt.

Here several fragments from article & #171; Loss се᤻:

It is necessary to learn to do everything not for show, and for the sake of own approval. For the sake of own, but not the stranger.


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